A ten foot tall concrete walls topped with razor wire surround Weirdtown. Each of the gun towers climb up at awkward angles. Surprising that they haven’t fallen over. All of the buildings in town are small, but with many levels built one on top of each other as more room is needed. Much like the gun towers, they seem to be stacked haphazardly in their climb up.

Ancient cooling towers on the far shore of the Ohoyo River mark the presence of the Goblin Lands.

Uptown, The Spur, and the Farmer’s Ledge overlook a bowl that makes up Lowtown and the Harbor.

Current Mayor Detol Grandraec, a 134 year old Dwarven man, who has been in and out of office quite regularly over the past 60 years. Law Enforcement Colloquially referred to as Charmers, a leftover nickname from when the Snek Trade first began, they are (humorously) a no-nonsense organization. Originally given a tad too much power so they could regulate snek breeding in the early days of the trade, they are experts at identifying quality serpents. Few in their number enjoy their job much, as, another relic of the past being, they only get paid in serpents! This leaves them unable to trade with traveling merchants, and typically keeps them stuck in Weirdtown given that it’s usually only locals who are willing to trade with sneks. The Charmers are based in Charmer’s Fort, located outside the walls on the other flank of the Gorge. Mountain Dew Mountain Dew is a local drink that is said to be a traditional recipe, passed down through the mayor’s family for generations! There’s even an annual celebration of it, including but not limited to: A Mountain Dew knock-off taste testing competition (winners who get particularly close to the real deal, win a lovely all expenses paid vacation! To where? Well that’s the winners’ business isn’t it?)

A dunk tank full of the stuff! (with only tourist volunteers typically entering the dunk tank, because locals can’t have ALL the fun!)

Mountain Dew flavored nutritional GOOP in all the fun colors and flavors are made and sold at various stalls, with the occasional delicacy, Mountain Dew marinated Snek, thrown in from vendors who can afford to serve it.

A Mountain Dew Parade! (Which is not a parade at all, and citizens simply stand outside and showcase just how much Mountain Dew they’ve hoarded within their homes over the past year)

There are many myths and legends as to how Mountain Dew came to be, and its original purposes. However it’s used in various concentrations as a home remedy (anticonvulsant), a stress reliever (sedative), a pest “deterrent” (pesticide), and even floor cleaner (this doesn’t work any better or worse than plain water)! If Mountain Dew can’t do it, it’s just not worth doing!

Despite being a locally revered drink, locals don’t push it on tourists very strongly. The less travelers want to have, the more the locals get to keep! Non-locals who look to purchase Mountain Dew in bulk are simultaneously respected and suspected. What could someone from so far away want with their delectable DEW?! Could they be hoping to horde their own supply, uncover the secret recipe, or something more sinister? Snek Trade If you don’t come to Weirdtown for their Mountain Dew, you simply must take a look at the snek trade.

“A way to beat the banks!” 
“More reliable than a Gold mine!”
“Functional, fashionable, AND edible!”

Are just some of the remarks you’ll hear from those in Weirdtown that support this interesting take on commerce. But just where do these sneks come from, and why are they doing this?

One could, with enough work, make counterfeit gold, silver, and copper. But there’s no denying a living, breathing, writhing snek! In the past history of Weirdtown, the snek trade arose as a local means of combating the constant trickery from travelers and traders who frequented the area. When these kinds of scams came to a crawl, they’d already seen enough success in locally trading with sneks to consider stopping.

Local serpents are worth the most, with bred sneks being worth very little, and wild ones from distant lands could go one way or the other! It takes a keen eye, and an established history with sneks, to determine the value of a snek. But should you have the right kind to trade, ANYONE in Weirdtown can play King for a day.

Local sneks are likely from around the surrounding areas, including the old Evaporation Pond not too far outside of the town limits. They’re said to have special, rare properties on their skin (crystalline bromide salts), but this is more so a local legend than fact. Snekskin fashion is quite popular here because of this.

Bred sneks lack all of the legends of wild sneks, and are usually less well fed than wild ones. Neither their skins or meat is worth much because of this.

Locals are always looking for unique serpents, either to introduce into the wild as an invasive species that will strengthen the ranks of what already survives the harsh environments, or, because the skin is unique and would make a lovely purse! Off Kilter (Slightly to the Left) If you somehow weren’t aware of the local drink or unorthodox currency, one thing that is impossible to miss about Weirdtown is the appearance that nearly everything seems to just be a little bit off. Be it nailed down to the floor or simply written down on paper, most things in Weirdtown are somewhat slanted to the left.

Had it just been the buildings, one might think there was an old landslide, one that shifted the entire town! But even newer constructions seem to share this quirk. It’s not necessarily a problem, but if you stay in Weirdtown long enough, you’ll never unsee it. The locals don’t seem to notice it, and will outright deny this should you bring it up. Is it some running gag, or just a town of people who’ve never known anything else?

Some say if you stay in Weirdtown long enough, you’ll simply stop seeing the strange shift in things! You might even forget what things were supposed to look like before you came here. Farmer’s Ledge The Farmer’s Ledge is made up of small homes surrounded by small gardens. They overlook the terraced hillside gardens. Harbor Miner Sheep Inn Located in the Harbor, it’s the only tavern in town that still takes coins, and uses this to its advantage. Owned by a revolving door of different locals, all taking turns running the business month to month, the quality of service is uniquely inconsistent. Usually overpriced due to the nature of it being the only place non-locals can afford to stay at all, it is a true tourist trap. It even has a small gift-shop, fit with serpentine memorabilia, to-go Mountain Dew jars, and “mystery” goop goody bags. Be it good, or bad, travelers who’ve been to Weirdtown at least twice usually recommend bringing some sneks and staying someplace, anyplace else.

Tuertan, a legless, wheelchair bound dwarf often performs on the stage. She uses illusion magic to bring forth images of the stories she narrates. Lowtown The Spur The government district, including City Hall, the courts, and the Mayor’s House. Uptown The nicer homes in town, home to the wealthier locals. Gatekeeper House Gwendolyn Farlight bought this strangely upright house as an outpost for the Gatekeepers. Temple of the Orbital Gods The golden domed Temple of the Orbital Gods was recently damaged in a raid by river pirates, the Gods' Eye inside broken.

The temple is tended by Maria Lumbar. Outside the Walls Beggar’s Town A string of tents, huts, and lean tos line the road outside of the Lower Gate. Charmer’s Fort The Charmers, the local Law Enforcement is based here. Evaporation Ponds For those who make a habit of avoiding Weirdtown, or who’ve just never had the pleasure of visiting, they’ve likely come across the old Evaporation Ponds. Not too far out of the town’s limits is a series of basins which fills and drains with water all on its own, like magic!

There was once an old mine in the area, an immensely long time ago. What was mined is a mystery, but locals insist that it was better than gold. It must have been! How else would their town have earned such a strange name but still manage to survive all these years?

Some insist that this is where the secret ingredient for Mountain Dew is found, and that no other place in the world is able to craft genuine Mountain Dew because of it. The mayors of Weirdtown have always laughed this notion off, neither confirming or denying.

If you were to take a swim in the Evaporation Ponds when it happened to be full, you might be blessed with some good fortune! Or go missing, permanently. Probably just bitten by a snek, though. Regardless, it’s best not to disturb the ponds on a whim. People of Weirdtown Bough Purcell Source Melody Lorraine